New Home Blog

by Craig Alan Williamson, June - December 2007
Sponsored by New Build Inspections

The new home experience (1st June 2007)

I will be using this blog to share the new home experience with you in all of its financially crippling glory. Together, we will go through the ups ("...darling, I think we need a 42 inch TV for our new lounge...") and the downs ("...a granite worktop costs how much?"), the highs ("...maybe even 50 inches, I'm sure it would fit...") and the lows ("...just for a worktop, are you sure?"), as well as the joy ("...42 inches of pure plasma pleasure - I'm so happy!") and the tears ("...it's a piece of rock for god's sake - how can a piece of rock cost so much?").

I hope to cover snagging issues, moving in, settling in, buying things, installing things, breaking things, fixing things - basically, anything and everything related to buying and living in a new home. I hope you can join me for the ride.


The story so far (4th June 2007)

Way back in November 2006 my wife and I found the perfect house. It was only an artist's impression at the time, backed up by a brick outline in the middle of a muddy and cow-less field. But after searching in vain for a 'used' house that we liked, it seemed like the perfect option. We paid our deposit and reserved a 4 bedroom, three storey end-terrace from Bloor Homes. Contracts were to be exchanged within a month, and completion was estimated to be in March/April 2007.

We exchanged contracts in late January 2007, with a slight delay due to the holiday period and some absent paperwork from the information pack sent to our solicitors. By the end of February we had sold our previous house and moved into a rented apartment, thinking that our stay would only be for a couple of months at the most. But we were soon informed that completion had slipped to May/June and so I settled in for another few months of "I hate this flat" comments from my good lady wife.

We visited the new house in April and all 4 walls were in place, together with 3 floors but no roof. Walking around the entirely empty ground floor everything seemed so small, but I knew that it would look much bigger once the partition walls were in place.

We saw the house again in late May (we live around 2 hours away so regular journeys are not that simple!) when the roof was on and all the internal partition walls were in place, together with an assortment of cables and pipes. We were then informed that completion would probably be at the end of June 2007, and so the end almost appeared to be in sight.

Our inspection was arranged shortly afterwards, with a tentative date of Thursday 21st June, whilst completion is scheduled for Friday 29th June.


The great tile crisis of 2007 (11th June 2007)

I made an unscheduled visit to the house today to remedy a small issue with the tiles we had chosen for our en-suite. Back in November 2006 we had chosen two different tiles - one for the shower cubicle and another for the remainder of the bathroom - but just as they we about to be ordered it came to light that they were not of matching sizes. I donned my superhero outfit and sped down the motorway to select some new tiles, of matching sizes, while my wife waited patiently at home to criticise my decision.

"I trust your choice," were the words my wife left me with, but she wasn't fooling anyone. This was about to be the single most important day of our entire relationship, and the pressure was on. After arriving at the sales centre I took a deep breath and began looking through the tiles. Mobile phone picture messages were sent home, but I received very little commitment in return ("Whatever you think, I'm sure they'll be fine..."). The wall tiles were an easy choice, but the shower cubicle was a different matter. When I narrowed the selection down to two choices and sent a picture message of them back to my wife, there still wasn't much in the way of feedback.

My brow was sweating, my heart was pounding, and my marriage was on the line. I made the decision purely on impulse and then drove home as quickly as I could, armed with better quality photos on my digital camera. On my return we went through the photographs and I nervously told her which one I had selected. Her reaction? "I'm so glad you didn't pick the other one - it was absolutely disgusting." Crisis averted. Marriage saved. Tiles ordered.


House status check - nearly there (12th June 2007)

During my tile deliberations yesterday, I did manage to find time to look around the house again and see what progress had been made in the 2 weeks since my previous visit. The kitchen was in place, minus appliances and flooring, the bathroom suites were installed in our main bathroom and en-suite, and all the walls had their final plasterboard layer on. While there was still quite a lot to finish off in the house, it seemed that the biggest remaining job was completing the communal parking area/garage block at the rear of the house. All of the garages seem near-enough complete, but the road and parking spaces are a long way from being finished.

The next time I see the house should be on the 21st for the inspection. New Build Inspections will be performing a full snagging survey for me on that day too. The builders are in a rush to complete the sale by the end of June to coincide with the end of their financial year, so I want to be absolutely sure that no corners have been cut during the construction. It's also reassuring to know that I don't have to go around the entire property with a fine toothcomb myself, as I'm sure an expert will find a whole host of issues that would have easily escaped my notice. Let's just hope there is nothing majorly wrong such as wonky walls or a floor that can't stand the weight of a 42 inch plasma TV.

In other exciting news, I had an amazing moment of foresight and ordered an engraved slate house number to affix to our wall when we move in. It's one of those small details that could be annoying to forget, especially as the first week or so will be filled with countless deliveries and installations. While smugly patting myself on the back and planning wild parties in celebration of my greatness, I have a nagging feeling that there are several other small things that I haven't thought about. I'd better put the Champagne back in the fridge and cancel the dancing girls so as not to tempt fate.


Christmas in June (18th June 2007)

I woke up this morning feeling like a little child, and it wasn't just because of the pool of urine on my waterproof sheets. No, the feeling was one of uncontrollable excitement like I had just broken up from school for the Christmas holidays. In a few short days Santa Claus would be on his way to unload his bulging sack onto my bed, and I couldn't wait for him to visit. Of course, I'm actually 31 years old and it is the middle of June, but the feeling is strong nevertheless.

So what is the source of my excitement? Well, our home inspection is planned for this Thursday (21st) and it is almost 7 months since we paid our deposit so the build-up has been quite considerable. It is now the final few days before we get to see the finished article, resplendent in its newly finished tiling, freshly installed kitchen, and builder-Christened lavatories. The day is almost here...our dreams are almost reality...but the house is not going to be ready. Our inspection has been delayed until Monday 25th June. At least it will be exactly 6 months from Christmas Day.


Inspection completed - a bit of a disappointment (25th June 2007)

The inspection day has finally arrived, and this morning I set out fully equipped with my notebook (to record any snags), tape measure (to prepare for bathroom mirrors, curtain poles etc.), and Pampers (in case the excitement became too much for me again). My joy quickly turned to pain, however, as I arrived to the greeting of "...oh, Mr Williamson...I've been trying to call you." It turns out that I had been called one hour before my appointment to delay the inspection yet again, this time to Wednesday - a mere 2 days before completion. Besides the fact that I currently live 2 hours away from site so a cancellation at 1 hour's notice wasn't exactly practical, I wasn't willing to see the 'finished' article only 48 hours before completion. The inspection was going ahead.

Norman Marsh, professional new build inspector from New Build Inspections met me on site and we were soon joined by the site manager whose name I cannot remember and will not even attempt to guess (you'll see why I point this out at the end of my entry). "Pleased to meet you Mr Williamson, and pleased to meet you too, Norman," said the site manager as he introduced himself (again, you'll see why I point this out at the end of my entry). The initial pre-amble warned that he had not been able to perform his own snagging survey, so he would be doing that during the inspection. We walked over to the plot where Norman quickly set to work while I remained with the site manager for our snagging inspection.

First impressions count for a lot, and while I was very pleased with our shiny new kitchen I certainly didn't expect that there would be no appliances fitted. "They're being installed tomorrow, don't worry," were the reassuring words. How about our alarm system? "You ordered an alarm system...are you sure? When? Have you paid for it? Erm, I'll make some calls." Second impressions weren't working out too great either. Along with a missing shower in our en-suite bathroom, these were the most major problems with the house. While it was annoying at the time not to see the finished article, on reflection it is a relief that these were the biggest problems and they were about to be remedied the following day (or so I hope).

Other than missing appliances the main problems were poorly painted walls in desperate need of another coat of emulsion (although the gloss and ceilings were generally very good). There were also the usual paint splashes on door hinges, damaged kitchen panels, the odd screw missing from a light switch, a few wonky switch boxes, stray mortar on the outside brickwork, and various other small matters. The site manager had been writing a good long list of snags to be resolved, and Norman had compiled his own that I should receive tomorrow.

After over 2 hours of exhausting inspection we had all finished. "Thank you, Morris," said the site manager to Norman before he left. "Goodbye Mr. Wwwwww...(mumble)...(mumble)," he then muttered to me. As the first of many W's left his lips I could see he was in trouble by the suddenly startled look across his face. Credit to the guy though - lesser men would have just apologised and admitted forgetting my name, but inventing an entirely new one and muttering it under his breath was a really bold and brassy move. And the conviction with which he called Norman 'Morris' was truly admirable.


168 snags, 2 days to go! (27th June 2007)

I just wanted to give a quick update and lay out the plan for the next few days. The total number of snags written down by Bloor's site manager (yes, I have a copy!) and Norman Marsh from New Build Inspections was 168. And a few of those were fairly wide ranging such as the general need to repaint most of the walls.

So do I think it was worthwhile employing the services of professional snagging inspectors? So far it is a definite yes. Not only did Norman find a considerable number of problems that were missed by the site manager, but New Build Inspections are also following up very effectively with Bloor. The snag list was e-mailed to Bloor's head office this afternoon and I was called by the site office within 1 hour with a promise that all matters would be remedied before completion on Friday.

So our plan is to collect the keys to our fully finished and snag-free (I like to be optimistic) new home on Friday, and then spend Friday and Saturday putting up a few curtain rails and attending to other such essentials. We will then get back to our temporary flat on Sunday, ready for the removal men to collect our things on Monday. We will drive back to our new home on Monday night, sleeping on the floor in our sleeping bags again before all our worldly possessions arrive on Tuesday morning.

All being well, I will try to write a brief entry on Sunday to let you know how many of the 168 snags were actually resolved. If the kitchen appliances were not fitted in time and we had to delay completion, then I will have to submit my entry from a remote island while my wife goes on a frenzied killing spree. You've been warned.


We have the keys! (Sat 30th June 2007)

We are finally in our new house, 7 months after paying the deposit! My wife has cancelled her killing spree, and I have managed to obtain a full refund for my one-way ticket to Tahiti.

The keys were released at 2 pm on Friday afternoon, after the appropriate money had been transferred and the oven had been fitted only 30 minutes earlier. So it was a close call for them to complete the house on time, but all credit to Bloor homes - they really had done an incredible amount of work in the 4 days after my inspection. All the major snags have been resolved - the kitchen appliances are fitted, damaged kitchen panels have been replaced, the alarm is fitted, and the en-suite shower is in place. All walls have been given another coat of paint too, so things really are so much better.

I have been around to do my own snagging survey, working from Norman Marsh's New Build Inspections survey and the original snag list from Bloor. At a rough guess around 50% of the identified snags have been resolved, but they are the most important 50% so I really do not mind that much. We now submit our own list within the next 5 days and I have so far generated a list of 224 snags for the interior alone. This is more than the original lists because the blanket snag 'All walls need repainting' has been replaced by very specific comments about marks on walls in certain places and so on. The most significant remaining snags include: the fridge freezer is the incorrect model; there is paint on the carpet in the en-suite; the floor tiles in the cloakroom don't extend all the way to the door frame; there is a large scratch on the kitchen worktop; and a radiator has been mounted at an angle. The most common snag is that every single door hinge (there are over 30 in the house) has paint on it.

After we moved in, my cordless drill trigger finger was itching to penetrate some virgin walls, so it wasn't long before we had the house number mounted on the outside wall and a couple of curtain poles up in the bedrooms. We stayed in the house on Friday night (camping on sleeping bags) and returned to our temporary flat on Saturday. We are spending Sunday packing up our things and buying a few bits and pieces for the new house. Removal men are due on Monday morning and they will deliver everything first thing on Tuesday morning. We can't wait to get the house set up with all our things!


New TV vs. New Toaster - an unlikely winner (Sun 1st July 2007)

I can't work out whether I am more excited about setting up our new 42" plasma TV or our new toaster. You might think I am being flippant here, but we really have just bought The Greatest Toaster in the Entire Universe. This thing automatically lowers the bread for you, and then gently raises it up with a satisfying 'ping' sound. I'm glad the kitchen has ceramic floor tiles because I'll probably soil myself with excitement every time I make breakfast.


Fully moved in, but no internet or Sky (7th July 2007)

This entry is costing me a ridiculous amount of money to submit - a hot chocolate and Wi-Fi access at Starbucks doesn't come cheap! We haven't been able to get broadband activated at our new house yet, so I am frantically trying to cram in all of my web browsing in a very short and expensive space of time.

All of our worldly possessions were delivered to the new house on Tuesday morning, and we have spent the last few days trying to empty boxes and get our lives in some kind of order. We have finally organised most of the rooms except for a spare bedroom that is currently home to 15 or so large boxes full of stuff we obviously don't really need but can't bare to throw away.

Our Sky installation was cancelled this week as our house is too high for a standard installation (although I did mention it was 3 storeys before). So we are without the delights of satellite television until next week, although we have a fairly good digital terrestrial reception using an indoor aerial that Bloor's sales office kindly lent us. The other complication is that the electrician hasn't installed enough cables to the lounge - it should have two for Sky and one for a TV aerial, but only has two connections in total. They are going around retro-fitting each house with the additional cable, but with quite considerable difficulty and disruption - the walls have to be cut open all the way down from the loft to the ground floor, as well as carpets pulled up and holes cut in floor boards. After seeing the mess that was left at our next door neighbour's house we are considering sticking with the two cables to avoid the additional stress. Two cables will be enough for our Sky HD installation and we could always use an internal aerial if we ever decided that we really wanted terrestrial TV in the lounge too.

Anyway, I submitted my snag list yesterday with a total of 255 items. I'll let you know how long it takes for them all to be addressed.

My hot chocolate is finished and my BT Openzone credit is done, so I will get this submitted and then head out to buy more knick-knacks for the house. Oh, what joy.


Superb service from Bloor's contractors (15th July 2007)

So far we have been incredibly impressed with the contractors on site here. Almost every single one of them will smile at you in the street and say 'hello', and most ask how our house is and if we have any problems. The electrician has gone out of his way to resolve some problems with our telephone wiring, and one of the dumper truck drivers even stopped to change the tyre on our car when my wife arrived home with a puncture the other day (I was cowering indoors to avoid having to do the job myself). I don't know whether the credit should go to Bloor for having such a friendly work environment or to the individual contractors involved, but we have certainly been very pleased with the service.

We've had friends staying with us for most of this week, so the house has pretty much remained in the same state with one room full of junk but all of the others quite tidy and organised. The plumber has been out to sort a few snags (including a very wonky radiator), and the kitchen company are due on Monday. We decided against having the extra TV cables retro-fitted to our lounge, but managed to negotiate a few small extras from the electrician instead. We now have a double outdoor power socket in the garden and we had all of the hallway low energy light fittings replaced with standard ones. We are still using energy saving light bulbs but at least we can now use standard lamp shades - the low energy fittings have a broader neck that is completely incompatible with most shades.

We still have no broadband internet, but I have figured out how to connect my mobile phone to my laptop for limited, albeit extremely slow, web browsing. In other technology news, our Sky installation took place on Thursday and we had a great pair of guys who did a superb job of hooking a new dish up to existing cables in the roof. I'd heard horror stories of some sky engineers refusing to go into lofts or refusing the use existing wiring, so it really was great to have such a positive and willing pair of guys.

It's back to work on Monday after 2 weeks off, but at least I have breakfast with The Greatest Toaster in the Entire Universe to look forward to. Not even Jennifer Lopez could bring a smile to my face in the morning with such regularity.


Broadband activated, over 200 snags remaining (22nd July 2007)

Joyous occasions in my life: the day I left school; the day I graduated from University; the day I married my wife; and the day I finally had my broadband connection re-activated. Today is a very special day indeed. News, sport, online shopping, high definition pornography - it's all now available at the click of a mouse.

Aside from that little victory, I am a little disappointed that over 200 snags are still remaining from the list we submitted over 2 weeks ago. The kitchen fitters have resolved a few small issues (wonky cupboard doors etc.) and are planning to come back to replace a scratched work surface and a few other larger problems, but otherwise there has been very little activity. The organisation of the remedial works is also disappointing - some tradesmen leave a note through the door, some call on the phone, some knock on the door, and some contact you via the sales office. It's all very confusing and not very well co-ordinated.

Back to the good things now, and this week our shared driveway will be block paved as Bloor have finished working on the other houses at the rear of our property. We have also treated ourselves to a motorised garage door that is due to be installed at the end of this week. With the 30 seconds of garage-opening time saved each day I will be able to spend more time on the internet looking at...er...online shops.


Snagtastic - 94 snags resolved in 6 hours! (28th July 2007)

On Friday at 8 am we had 125 snags remaining, but by 2 pm that list had gone down to 31. It was a truly exhausting day with countless workmen coming in and out, asking what needed to be done, drinking cups of tea, and scratching their crotches. This was all kicked off by a meeting I had with Bloor's site manager on Wednesday morning. He walked around the house with me and went through every single snag, ensuring that the correct trade was written down next to each item. I must commend the site manager for his thoroughness and eagerness to please. I had expected him to dismiss several of my snags and try to fob me off with excuses, but full credit to him - large and small snags were treated with equal respect and he seemed genuinely keen to sort everything out for us.

Our shared driveway has now been block paved, and we had the electric garage door installed yesterday. It is everything I dreamed it would be - silky smooth and with a cool little remote control. I could have spent all day watching it open and close, open and close, open and close...but my wife wouldn't let me.

The big thing for this week is that we are having blinds installed throughout most of the house. We've been surviving with only curtains in our bedroom since we moved in, so it will be nice to gain some privacy back in the lower floors. Especially as passers-by keep catching me stroking my garage door remote control with such unusual affection.


Superb curtain makers, unreliable gardeners (6th August 2007)

Unless you have struck a particularly good deal when you bought your new home, the chances are that it didn't come with any curtains and your back garden consisted of a pile of rocks, broken bricks, cigarette butts and a sprinkling of soil. That leaves two pressing goals in life - get some curtains and get the garden sorted out in time for summer. If you are particularly skilled and motivated, then you can fit curtains yourself and create yourself a wonderful garden. If you are not skilled and have no inclination to get mud under your fingernails, then you need to call in some help. I called in some help.

First, the curtains. We called 3 companies who could visit our home, measure our windows and give us a quote. Within 24 hours of making the calls, all three had visited and provided us with a quote. We then placed our order a few days later and most of the curtains (well, roman blinds actually) have now been fitted.

Now for the garden. We called 10 landscape gardeners. 5 didn't answer the phone and didn't have any answer machine, 4 had answer machines on which I left a message, and I actually managed to speak to the other one. A week later only 3 of the messages had resulted in replies (which came several days after the messages were left) and so we had 4 gardeners booked to visit our house. Not a single one of them turned up. Only one even bothered to call beforehand to let us know. Ordinarily I would tell the lot of them that we are not interested in employing their services, but it's not like we have a queue of gardeners keen to take our money. So instead I'm waiting at home again for one of them to visit. I'm not very hopeful.

In gadget news, I officially no longer own The Greatest Toaster in the Entire Universe. Actually, I do still have my toaster, but I was gutted to find a newer model in the latest Argos catalogue that keeps your toast warm indefinitely in addition to the orgasmic lowering/raising action of my model. I've cried myself to sleep every night since.


20 snags still left after 5 weeks - why? (14th August 2007)

I've been fairly complimentary about Bloor Homes and their contractors so far, but perhaps today is the day that I turn. This snagging business is just getting a little annoying now - it has been over 5 weeks since my 255-item snag list was submitted, so why are there still 20 remaining? I could understand if they were all major items requiring a great deal of coordination (one or two are, such as laying tarmac on our rear path), but the vast majority are simple things (scraping away endless lumps of grout on tiling, cleaning marks on the carpet). So what's the problem? And while I am ranting, why can't workmen clear up after themselves? And why can't they, when they leave marks all over your walls, at least mention it and arrange for the decorator to return? There is a real lack of co-ordination that just destroys your will to live after a while. Well, after 5 weeks to be precise.

In horticultural news, two landscape gardeners eventually turned up last week to quote for our decking, and both promised we would have their quotes by the weekend. Needless to say we are still waiting.


Question time (23rd August 2007)

Question 1: You are a decorator employed by a large building company. You visit a customer's house to repaint a ceiling that was damaged by another tradesman. Do you:
(a) Do a perfect job and leave the house in perfect condition
(b) Do a poor job but leave the house in perfect condition
(c) Do a poor job and splash some paint on the carpet, but tell the customer and arrange for a cleaner to visit
(d) Do a poor job, splash some paint on the carpet, rub it in a little to make the mark even worse, and then leave without saying a word


Question 2: You are a landscape gardener who has, after several calls and cancelled appointments, finally made it round to a potential customer's house to provide a quote for some decking. Do you:
(a) Give a quote on the spot
(b) Promise a quote the next day and deliver it the next day
(c) Promise a quote within 7 days and deliver it within 7 days
(d) Promise a quote within 7 days and deliver it after 14 days<

Put the letters of your two answers together and write them down. If you have just spelt out a large bra size, then you have probably visited my house this week.


In an English country garden (30th August 2007)

Two months ago our back garden was a vast expanse of soil. Well, to be completely honest it is hardly vast (it seems that room sizes aren't the only thing to be much smaller with new homes) and it isn't really accurate to refer to it as 'soil' ('two feet of rubble with a sprinkling of nails, nuts, bolts, cigarette butts and a very slight dash of soil' is probably a more accurate description). But nevertheless, two months ago it was merely a blank brown/black canvas. Fast forward 60 days and here we are - our laughably small patio has been extended, we now have a small area of decking in the corner, and the remaining 25 square metres or so of 'soil' is covered in luscious weeds.

OK, so the weeds still need sorting out (more about that later) but it feels like we are finally beginning to make our mark on the garden. My wife shared a few polite words with the site's patio slab layer not longer after we had moved in, which yielded our much-improved patio. And all of our trials and tribulations with landscape gardeners were ended last week when not only did we get one to visit our house and give a quote, but we also managed to get him to do the job only a few days later. Ironically, it wasn't one of the 10 companies we had telephoned (only 2 of which even bothered to visit our house), but it was a man who my wife approached after seeing some decking on the back of his van. I tell you, if I didn't have a wife I'd have nothing. Anyway, his quote was around 50% less than the other two, and we are delighted with the finished result.

So it is now just the remaining area that needs sorting out, despite exhaustive efforts to convince my wife that the rampant weeds merely give the garden a great 'meadow feel'. What are we going to do with this area then? Turf it? Gravel it? Tarmac it? I'll leave that cliff hanger until a later posting, but I think you might just be a little surprised by the answer.


Crags bags snags in showdown shocker! (6th September 2007)

Craig Williamson asked some tough questions of Bloor's site manager today, as his snag list entered its 10th week. Craig, 31, wanted to know exactly why he still had a list of 19 outstanding snags and why there had been no progress for the previous month.

Bloor's site manager was quoted as saying, "Sorry" while unconfirmed reports say that Craig was heard replying, "You can shove your sorries in a sack, mister. Just sort out my snags." It must be stressed that these are unconfirmed reports, and it may just be that Craig only thought about saying those words.

As negotiations entered the 11th hour, a deal was finally struck and the following statement was released to the press: "Bloor have pledged to resolve the vast majority of the snags by Monday of next week, with the final few details being completed within the following week."

When asked his thoughts on the deal, Craig had this to say: "It's been a gruelling process but I feel we have reached an agreement that both sides live with. Now please go out and buy my novel - it will bring laughter into your life and help you to forget about the stress of this whole sordid affair."


The end is in sight - only 6 snags remaining (12th Sept 2007)

Monday saw the promised flurry of activity on our house. We had the decorator, the tiler, the slab layer and the sealant man (doesn't it sound like he should be wearing a cape?) all work their magic. 2 of the remaining snags concern the metal floor of our balcony which should be replaced tomorrow, 2 of the snags should have been resolved on Tuesday but nobody turned up (the decorator and slab layer said they would come and finish their jobs off but didn't), and the final 2 require the skills of the elusive plumber. I'm going to nag the sales office tomorrow in an effort to have everything resolved by the weekend, when wild orgies of celebration will ensue.


FLOOD! Ground floor flooded by faulty stop cock (14th September 2007)

When there is a leaking water pipe in your house, you should turn off the water supply at the stop cock. When the stop cock then snaps off in your hand, you should swear violently and prepare to get very, very wet . . .

Yesterday was a bizarre, twisted day. Those 6 remaining snags were all resolved and my wife and I then went out on an evening stroll, full of self-congratulatory talk about how great it was that our home was finally 'complete'. On our return my wife turned on the kitchen tap and then instantly heard a hissing sound from under the sink. She opened the cabinet beneath to see a fine spray of water coming from the maze of piping. I went straight to the stop cock at the heart of the piping and turned it off. A minor disaster was averted. Craig was the hero. A small amount of mopping up and the cupboard was as good as new.

So we are then left without any water, and I'm left wondering where the leak came from. There are pipes out to the washing machine and dishwasher under there, and I was confident I could solve any problem with these links. So I decided to very slowly switch the stop cock back on and observe where this slight, fine, barely visible spray of water was coming from. My hand reached out towards the brass tap, and rotated it with tender care the merest fraction of a degree when suddenly......holy &*(&! The tap literally flew out of my hand, and gallon upon gallon of water gushed forth into my face and my body, and down onto the kitchen floor.

Now I would like to say that I handled the situation with consummate cool and came up with some witty, James Bond-esque comment, ('Fancy a swim, darling?'), but I'm afraid to say that panic well and truly set in. After catching my breath I shouted to my wife, 'GO AND GET EVERY TOWEL IN THE ENTIRE HOUSE!' Ever sensing the urgency of the situation, she proceeded to carefully browse through her 5-or-so towel storage areas, selecting only the oldest and shabbiest of towels. Eventually they reach the kitchen floor and I look around to see a feeble ring of 100% cotton shielding our through-diner and lounge from complete waterlog. After briefly thinking to myself that I was sure we had more towels than that, I continued my futile efforts to staunch the flow of water by jamming the tap back in the gaping whole. I had some success, with the flow being completely stopped for the odd second before it flew back in my face, stronger than ever.

The ceramic tiles in our kitchen are ever deeper under water, and I am moaning and groaning from the strain of shoving the blasted tap against the considerable water pressure. It then strikes me that we need a follow-on plan, especially as our towels are already fully saturated. 'EMERGENCY PLUMBER!' I manage through the torrent of water, telling my wife to get the phone number from the window of the sales office. I also ask her to get the next door neighbour. I wasn't quite sure what he could add to the mix, but I felt it only fair to share the misery around.

My hands are shaking from the cold and the physical exertion, as water bounces against my body and my slippers begin to look like a sinking pair of tartan life rafts. Then my wife returns with the news I have been waiting for: she's not too bothered about the bathroom hand towel if I'd like that as well. Great, that should make all the difference. But she also managed to get through to the emergency plumber who was on his way, as was my next door neighbour.

The neighbour soon arrived like a beautiful knight in shining armour, taking one brief look at the devastation and then vanishing again. I suddenly felt lonely, cold, and ever frightened for the welfare of our lounge furniture and my beloved 42 inch plasma TV. I used every last ounce of my strength to fight the flow and keep it down as much as possible with the broken tap. And then I heard angels singing on my shoulder and harps playing gently in the distance, and the water flow stopped. It actually stopped! It stopped, it stopped, it stopped! The jubilation was overwhelming, until I looked down to see my feet covered by an inch of water, and the dining room carpet absorbing ever increasing amounts as the flow made its slow progress inwards, threatening to damage our entire furniture collection.

Our neighbour returned to the briefest of hero's welcomes, having located the outdoor stop cock in the pitch black, and we then rushed to soak up the water from the kitchen floor before it continued its onslaught on our living area. We paused briefly to move the furniture further and further into the corners of the room, while frantically wringing out towels in the sink and then going back to soak up more water. The emergency plumber arrived and instantly joined in the clean-up operation until the kitchen floor was dry and the lounge area carpet was only partially soaked. All of our furniture had been spared, along with my beloved TV and my wife's best towels. It had been a frantic half hour, but the mayhem was finally over.

On closer inspection, the plumber could see that the screw thread of the stop cock had literally snapped in two. Apparently it is a very rare event, and there must have been some sort of crack or defect there since it was installed. It was only a matter of time before it would let rip with such devastating consequences. We were actually pretty lucky that it happened then, while we were downstairs. If it had happened during the night then we would have been oblivious until morning, by which time our furniture would have been floating around the lounge.

The plumber returned this morning to fit a replacement stop cock (which only took around 5 minutes), and the site manager arranged for a dehumidifier to be delivered to try and dry out the carpet. He will return on Monday to assess the damage and see whether the carpet needs to be cleaned or replaced.


Flooding aftermath news, and a busy week ahead (23rd September 2007)

My slippers have just about dried out, as has our living room carpet. While memories of the great stop cock flood of 2007 will endure for a generation, life has moved on. Our carpet was left stained and still slightly soggy, so the site manager has agreed to replace it without any fuss. The carpet fitters should be visiting on Tuesday and it will be nice to have our ground floor fully back to normal after a week of inconvenience.

There should be plenty of other activity this week as well. We are having our loft boarded on Monday and Tuesday, which will then allow us to move junk from our spare room up and out of the way. All being well we are also having our garden attended to on Wednesday. While I have previously teased about our plans for the garden, all will be revealed in my next posting. That is assuming everything goes to plan - so far we have been less than impressed with the company we are using, so only time will tell if everything goes to plan.

There is also only 1 week to go until my novel is released, so now is a great time to download a preview and then place your order at Amazon!


The perfect lawn - artificial grass! (29th September 2007)

You'd better believe it! This week has seen our garden transformed from a lush expanse of weeds and wild poppies to a beautifully groomed lawn of artificial grass. They'll all say we're crazy, but take one look at our beautiful lawn and you might just be converted!

Here's a photograph of our lawn before the makeover. At the back you can see the decking I've talked about before and at the front you can see our 1st floor balcony.



We wanted grass for the main area of our garden, but really didn't want the hassle of mowing it every week in the summer and then watching it get longer and longer through the winter months. We could have gravelled the area or covered it in concrete, but that would have been ugly and caused nasty grazed knees during summer games of outdoor Twister. So artificial grass was the natural unnatural solution! It looks like normal grass, yet it never needs mowing and it retains its lushness all year round come flood or drought.

The installation team started by ripping up all the weeds and levelling the garden surface. They then installed a wooden framework around the edges, before filling it in with a ton and a half of sharp sand. After levelling the sand and packing it tightly with one of those fun-looking vibrating-metal-plate-thingy machines they laid a weed-suppressing membrane. Then it was time to bring-on the grass, which came in a couple of carpet rolls ready to lay out on the ground. It was secured to the edges of the wooden frame with nails that are invisible beneath the lush synthetic blades of grass. Joins in the grass were made with a special glue, with the final tight fitting achieved by using a carpet-fitter's knee kicker. It was a really interesting process to watch, and took just over a day for the garden and the balcony (which was simply glued to the metal floor).

We are absolutely delighted with the results, which you can see here:



The company we used were As Good As Grass. I haven't linked their name (although you can find their website easily through your favourite search engine) because I'm still undecided as to whether I would actually recommend them. While the two installation guys have done a terrific job, the whole process of placing the order was tortuous due to the poor communications and slow response time of their sales team. It took over 2 weeks and many e-mails and phone calls before I even got the initial quote out of them, and even after the installation was booked in it was cancelled with only a couple of days' notice. To their credit the sales team were always very friendly on the phone, but they just never did what they promised to do. Reading between the lines I am guessing that they are horrendously overworked and understaffed. Anyhow, many other companies are available who provide the same service, so I would recommend searching for artificial grass UK and see what you find.

As well as the grass, we have had our loft fully boarded this week and the downstairs carpet replaced. You might be thinking that I am a little lazy for not boarding the loft myself, but having seen two highly skilled carpenters take 3 days to do the job properly I'm glad that I took the easier route!


Fly spray is my friend (6th October 2007)

A swarm of angry flies took me by surprise this week, but I had the last laugh. I returned home from work on a hot and sunny Thursday afternoon and opened a window in the top floor bedroom. As the window opened, a black wall of flies headed towards me from inside the window frame where they had been clearly waiting for me. Now I'm not squeamish about insects of any kind, and I often try to catch spiders and release them humanely outside, but this bunch of scum-sucking, turd-licking, buzzing bugs really freaked me out. So I rushed downstairs for the fly spray and exacted my cold and calculated revenge.

I tell you, that fly spray stuff is awesome. A few seconds after spraying the poo-eating blighters they were mostly flailing around on the floor, shouting out various cries of remorse for daring to enter my house. The odd few landed on the window sill, where their wings thrashed and their bodies spun around like they were performing a break-dance. I walked away with blood on my hands and a smile on my face . . . until I heard a buzzing from the loft.

I opened the loft hatch and a second, even agrier, swarm of flies flew down and surrounded me. Questions were asked about my harsh treatment of their friends, but I was in no mood for negotiation. A few more sprays and I was soon surrounded by another posse of break-dancing flies. Thankfully there was no repeat of events on Friday afternoon, although I stocked up on another can of spray just in case. I'm hoping they've got the message by now, especially as I have left a few of the plumper corpses on display on the window sill as a grizzly warning to all those outside.

In literary news, my novel is out now so please check out the free preview and order a copy today!


Some good advice for everyone (apart from teenagers) (14th October 2007)

It has been a quiet week in terms of house activity, which gives me time to reflect on events of the previous few weeks. More specifically, it gives me time to consider the great stop cock flood of 2007 and pass on the lessons learned.

The best advice I can give to absolutely everyone living in a property with water, gas, and electricity supplies is this: make sure that you know where and how to switch off each of these services. Your water supply should have an indoor stop cock (usually beneath the sink) and an outdoor isolation point (somewhere in the street, perhaps with your water meter). Gas supplies will have a master isolation point (often in with the gas meter, external to the house) that can shut off the supply with the turn of a handle. Modern homes have an electricity circuit breaker panel (ours is in a downstairs cupboard) with a large main switch that can turn off the electricity supply to your entire house.

My second piece of advice is: have contact numbers for emergency plumbers, electricians, etc. programmed into your phones. When the water is literally gushing into your house from a broken stop cock, the last thing you want to be doing is hunting around for a phone number. Believe me; I know what I am talking about here.

My final advice is: don't tell teenagers any of this. If they knew that they could switch off the water and gas supply to any house by a few readily accessible outdoor valves, then we would be in a world of trouble.


Enjoying the fruits (22nd October 2007)

We had some friends visiting this weekend, and it was the first time we have been able to really appreciate the enjoyment of just living in our new house. While there are still a few minor details to be sorted out (our new easy-open loft hatch needs painting, the spare room needs tidying, and delivery of our new sofa needs to stop being delayed every week), our house is now pretty much home. It's great to reach that point and to have made it through the last few months with a great house that we are still very much delighted with.

Of course we are still picking up little faults here and there, with the most notable one from the weekend being the distinct lack of sound insulation around the house. The noise isolation from our attached next-door neighbour is incredible good, as we only ever hear the occasional muffled shutting of a door, but within the house itself is a completely different story. The simple closing of a door or turning on of a tap can often be heard a floor away, which is quite disconcerting when my wife and I are used to being on our own. Of course this rule doesn't apply to the door bell or the cooker timer, which can only be heard within a half metre radius.

Incidentally, while our friends were staying we took them on the obligatory trip around the show homes. Much to my delight, both houses had a strong whiff of fly spray in the air and the familiar sight of upturned fly corpses scattered liberally around the house. It's nice to know that you're not suffering alone.


Sorting out those final few chores (28th October 2007)

We've had a weekend of odd-jobs. I finally got around to changing the wiring on a double light switch (the left switch turned on the right light and vice-versa), programming the central heating timer (it's only just got cold enough to bother us), and beginning to move some of our possessions into the loft. Of course, I did send my wife into the loft first in order to flush out all of the flies. There were still quite a considerable number of them buzzing around, but another fly spray killing spree soon sorted them out. We now have the Christmas decorations up in the loft as well as our rather extensive luggage collection. My final job is to sort through the remaining 20 boxes in our spare room. I can hardly wait.


Spare rooms, Apple Macs, and verrucas (8th November 2007)

Don't worry, it hasn't taken me 11 days to sort out those boxes in my spare room. It has just taken me 11 days to regain the will to live. And I have also just switched over from a PC to an Apple Mac (read my switching diary for the proof). And I have a verruca. Oh, wait on, wrong excuse book.

The box sorting was tedious and energy sapping, but it is all done and we now have a loft full of stuff we don't really need but can't really bring ourselves to throw away. Left in the wake of the boxes is a spare room that constantly taunts us to dump more stuff in it, but we actually have a room we can use again which is definitely a good thing. I also painted the loft hatch last week but there is still no sign of the new sofa. An angry wife is counting to ten before visiting John Lewis.


Tasty buns and skimpy lingerie (19th November 2007)

Unleashing the wife on John Lewis was definitely the right plan. No sooner had I published my last blog entry than we received a phone call to arrange delivery of our new sofa. It arrived last week and we are extremely pleased with the results. Our old sofa was in need of removal from the first floor, but we didn't fancy incurring all the bumps and scrapes on our walls that happened when it was first moved up there. So my wife baked a few buns, brewed a few cups of tea, and no doubt wore some skimpy lingerie in order to entice a few of the site workmen around to solve the problem. Armed with only chocolate chips, Tetley's, and plenty of fine lace, she soon arranged a fork lift truck and two sturdy men to winch the old sofa through our first floor balcony. I've said this before in this blog and I'll say it again: if I didn't have a wife I'd have nothing.

Having the new sofa makes the move more final now. As does the fact that we had the removal company come to collect all of their empty cardboard boxes. As does the fact that we finally gave about 5 boxes full of unwanted but good quality items to a local charity shop, thus clearing up some space in our garage. As does the fact that Christmas is almost here, and my blog will soon be coming to an end! Don't worry though, I have a few special new home buyer guides planned for the final few weeks. And I might even allow my wife to write an entry on how to flirt with workmen and get things done around your new build house.


New Home Guide: Buying extras (3rd December 2007)

You've picked the perfect house style with a workshop area for your impressive collection of power tools, and you've selected the perfect plot with a prime view of the all-girls college. Surely your work is done? Well, not quite, as you've still got to pick your extras.

'Extras' are the additional niceties that you can buy from your builder at the time of purchasing your new home. It's all too easy to get carried away and spend many thousands of pounds on pointless additions, so make sure that you only go for extras that fulfil at least one of the following criteria:

Good value - Would you like a 50 inch plasma TV in your new lounge for £50? You betcha! Would you like an integrated weighing scale in your kitchen worktop for £300? On your bike!

More practical - If you would like your home fully cabled for satellite TV and computer networking in every room, then you probably don't want to be ripping out walls once you have moved in. Let the builder do it and you'll have a much more practical solution.

More convenient - You could turf your new garden yourself, but by the time you get around to doing it the weeds will be several feet high and you may have lost a few small children in there. Paying to have this job taken care of before you move in will probably prove worthwhile.

As well as thinking about extras that you want, it is also worth thinking about the standard features of your new home that you really do not want. For example, we didn't want a fireplace but one came as standard with our home. It would have been messy and annoying to remove the thing after moving in, so we asked the builder to leave it out. Our reward? A nice empty wall for a big TV, and over £1,000 refunded by the builder. Result!


New Home Guide: A list of hidden costs (10th December 1007)

New homes come with lots of little hidden costs. For example, did your builder install a door bell for you? How about a house number on your front door? Not even a mirror in the bathroom? Only after you have moved in does the extent of this little list of hidden costs actually become clear. Below is my attempt to forewarn you of some of the more common hidden costs you may have to face:

- Washing line (£5 - £20)
- Door bell (£5 - £50)
- Dustbin (£10 - £15)
- Door mat (£10 - £15)
- Coat hooks (£10 - £25)
- Toilet roll holders (£10 - £25 per bathroom)
- Towel holders (£10 - £25 per bathroom)
- Curtain tracks/poles (£10 - £50 per room)
- House number (£15 - £50)
- Bathroom mirrors (£20 - £50 per bathroom)
- Curtains (£30 - £80 per room)
- Satellite dish installation (£50)
- Connection of phone line (£140)
- TV aerial and loft distribution box (£150 - £200)
- Grass/landscaped garden (£200 - £5,000)
- Carpets (£2,000 - £5,000)


New Home Guide: Top snagging tips (17th December 2007)

Congratulations - you have just bought a new house. Commiserations - you have now have to deal with 'snagging'. Snags are all of those little imperfections with your new home that your builder promises to rectify within the first few weeks of you moving in. Here are my top 3 snagging tips:

1. Bring in the experts - You will probably be able to spot a missing cupboard door in your kitchen, but would you be able to spot non-matching screws on a light switch, or exterior guttering that doesn't comply with building regulations? It is well worth employing the services of a Snagging Inspector (such as New Build Inspections) to ensure that tiny details and technical details are all uncovered as early as possible.

2. Never settle for less-than perfect - Do not put up with very small defects because you are embarrassed to point them out. Do not put up with workmen doing bodge-jobs of snags that you have given them to repair. You have paid a lot of money for a brand new house and everything should be perfect. Make sure that your builder makes it happen!

3. Take charge of the snag repair process - If you leave snag repair scheduling to the builder, they will send out a cleaner first, then a decorator, then a carpenter. The carpenter will drop glue on your carpet and damage some paintwork, meaning that the cleaner and the decorator will have to come out again. Then the painter will splash some paint on your floor, which will mean that the cleaner has to come out again. Then the kitchen fitter will come out and damage your paintwork and mark your carpet . . . I think you get the picture. My advice is to take charge of the order in which snags are repaired. Refuse to let the decorator visit until you are 100% happy with everything else. And only when the decorator has finished should you let the cleaner visit. Life will be much less frustrating if you can follow this advice!

If you can follow these 3 simple tips, then you will be well on your way to resolving all of your snags quickly and without too much stress. Good luck!


My final blog post - farewell! (20th December 2007)

And so, the end is here. It is just over 6 months since I posted my first entry, and we have been through so much together. We've had:

- snags galore (here and here)
- gadgets galore (here and here)
- near disaster (here and here)
- killer flies (here)
- and sexy lingerie (here).

I hope that my posts have informed and entertained you. They have certainly provided me with a welcome outlet for many of the frustrations involved with buying a new home.

It only remains for me to thank my wife for her unending support and New Build Inspections for sponsoring this blog. Oh yes, and to provide one final, shameless plug for my hilarious novel 'A Foreign Education'. Please visit my web site at www.CraigAlanWilliamson.com to download a free preview, or head straight to Amazon UK or Amazon USA to buy a copy of the paperback!