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The Impregnator's Diary #4
The Birth – Blood splattered walls and paper helmets
by Craig Alan Williamson, 29th July 2008
Published on DIYfather.com, 4th November 2008
It was a magical day that I will never forget. An amazing, incredible, beautiful brand new little thing had entered my world, and my life would never be the same again. I knew that the lengthy wait and the considerable expense had all been worthwhile as I sat there, gazing lovingly into its warm glow. Yes indeed, taking delivery of my gorgeous new iPhone was everything I had hoped it would be. But then, only a few short days later, life was about to change yet again . . .
Day 1, 01:00 – Waters break, Dawn’s loss of dignity begins
I was woken from my deep sleep by an excited whisper of, “I think my waters have broken!” coupled with an expanding pool of fluid next to me in the bed. Dawn’s loss of dignity had well and truly begun.
Day 1, 03:00 – First contractions, Dawn does some housework
I managed to fall back to sleep amidst the damp conditions, but Dawn had lay awake wondering when the next phase would begin. It took only a couple of hours before she began to feel the first contractions and duly woke me up again. We lay in bed for a while longer, excited and curious about the new sensations her body was experiencing. Dawn was laughing through the light contractions and I seized the opportunity to get her to polish off the last of the ironing. She also made me a fabulous breakfast smoothie. This labour lark was going to be a breeze.
The remainder of our day was spent trying to distract Dawn with TV, board games, magazines, and a little light cooking and cleaning (the house won’t clean itself, you know). The midwife visited in the afternoon and measured Dawn as being around 2 cm dilated, with the ultimate goal of reaching 10 cm. The contractions began to strengthen in the afternoon, although I knew they couldn’t have been that bad when Dawn kept breaking off from the panting and strained facial expressions to nosey at what was going on outside our house: “Ooooh, aaaaah, owwww! Do we know anyone with a Ford Mondeo? Aaaaaah, owwwww, ooooooohhh!”
Day 1, 19:00 – First hospital visit, Craig drives carefully
By early evening the contractions were coming thick and fast, and Dawn was enduring increasing amounts of pain. It was clearly time for hospital when she had lost all interest in cooking me any further meals or ironing any more of my shirts.
We had a 10-minute drive to the hospital that included a couple of sharp contractions and some vocal encouragement for me to drive a little faster. Once there we were given the largest room in the labour ward complete with en-suite facilities and a large birthing pool. In between contractions we played a game of draughts and I read the cleaning checklist on the wall: “Bed linen changed, bathroom scrubbed, floor disinfected, blood splashes cleaned from walls.” Oh shit, were we in the right place?
Day 1, 23:00 – Return home, get some sleep
Within a few hours the contractions had slowed right down, Dawn was still only 2 cm dilated, and we left the luxury room to return home. I managed to catch a couple of hours’ sleep, while Dawn had the occasional snooze in between the milder contractions.
Day 2, 04:00 – Second hospital visit, Craig drives very carefully
“Don’t you dare drive over any ******* pot holes!” screamed Dawn as we made our way back to the hospital. The pain had become unbearable and I could see that this was far more severe than the last time we had made the journey. Our luxury room was a distant memory as we were assigned the box labour room, but Dawn barely noticed through the agony. Surely she must have been pretty near to 10 cm dilated and getting ready to push?
“You’re about 5 cm,” said the midwife as Dawn’s face dropped. The pain relief was duly piled on as we settled in for another day of suffering.
Day 2, 14:00 – Epidural time, thank the lord
10 hours later and Dawn still wasn’t anywhere near fully dilated, so they hooked her up to a drip to speed things along. At the same time they sank in an epidural that made us wonder why we hadn’t asked for it 35 hours ago. While she had previously been in complete agony, Dawn now smiled through the contractions whilst eating a sandwich and sipping Diet Coke. I swear, I could have brought in the rest of that ironing for her to finish and she’d have had no problem. Well, apart from the fact that she couldn’t move her legs.
Day 2, 22:30 – It’s not happening, time for a decision
Despite another 8 hours of fast and furious contractions, Dawn still wasn’t any nearer being 10 cm dilated. The midwife recommended a Caesarean section as things were clearly going at a snail’s pace and Dawn was completely exhausted after being awake for over 40 hours. We discussed the options and decided to go for it. As if to confirm our decision, we then heard a stream of almighty wailing from a woman in the adjacent labour room. Dawn and I looked at each other and laughed.
Day 3, 00:15 – Caesarean time, Craig gets humiliated
While Dawn was being prepped for surgery, I was directed to the surgical changing room where I was to change into a full set of scrubs. I had the pants, top and blood stained shoes all sorted as I approached the shelf for headgear. Two cardboard boxes were there, one with a picture of a man wearing a ridiculous helmet hat, and one with a picture of a woman wearing a cool looking bandana over her head. I am quite clearly a man with potent sperm, so I went for the helmet. Bad move. An 8-strong surgical team and 2 midwives all laughed extensively at my expense, even taking photographs to remember the occasion by. At least it lightened the mood and eased Dawn’s understandable nervousness, which was obviously my intention.
Day 3, 00:52 – Henry Carter Williamson is born!
Almost 48 hours after the ordeal began, we were rewarded with a breathtaking cry as our baby boy emerged from Dawn’s belly. After he was quickly shown to us in all his bloodied glory, they took him for a quick clean and wrap up before placing him on the bed next to Dawn’s face. We both stared into the beautiful eyes of our gorgeous boy and cried with joy. Henry Carter Williamson had entered the world and the exhaustion and sleep deprivation suddenly washed right away. Holy shit, we were parents!
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